February 2012
“Well, let it pass, he thought; April is over, April is over. There are all kinds...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, “The Sensible Thing”
clairefoley:
“Any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child.”
Senator Constance Johnson, D-OK, coolest lady in Congress right now, proposed a (parodic) bill making it illegal for men to ejaculate anywhere other than in the female sexual organs to protest against the...
Relevant remembered conversation
[We keep a baby name book next to the desktop computer for naming Sims]
My sister [via email]: Why are all of the Native American names in this thing highlighted?
Me: Cause I wrote like four chapters of a book about Indians and horses and wolves in fourth grade and then quit.
My sister: Oh cool. So cool.
Because I was overindulged
as a child, I was allowed to name my sister when she was born. The only stipulation was that my parents could ultimately veto anything that they fundamentally disagreed with, which was a fair enough deal for me at seven.
There were a few contenders, but the frontrunner in my heart was Nicandra. Babynames.com is telling me it’s not even a real name, but google suggests that it’s some...
ihavebattlesinmylife asked: I get that you're a pretty avid writer and blogger, but do you ever get stuck in a rut or go through dry spells? Personally, I know I think up plenty of potential posts through out my day, but by the time I get to a computer I don't have that same "in the moment" drive to write about it. Any tips to combat this laziness?
6od asked: I love your brain.
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OMG WAIT EVEN BETTER. She had a brotherhusband (didn’t work out) named Michael who died and she picked a new BF via video dating but they haven’t boned yet.
Patterson claims that Michael, a gorilla who lived with Koko for several years, also developed a broad vocabulary of signs, over 600, but did not become as proficient as Koko before his death in 2000. Michael’s...
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Thinking Catalog →
Things I have done instead of post the Grizzly Man...
Draw an artistic interpretation of the photo in Paintbrush thinking maybe the photos were the problem.
Instagram a photo from my phone of the drawing on my computer screen once it failed to upload too.
Attempt to post the Instagrammed photo to tumblr via the cell phone app.
Screenshot the failed entry once that doesn’t work.
Post said screenshot as my facebook status.
Take a screenshot...
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Why isn’t everyone using the voice memos...
There was a guy driving around
Chelsea this morning in a silver convertible with the top down and a Giants flag somehow attached to the hood, and he was just doing laps around the same couple-of-block perimeter and honking and yelling, “LET’S GO G-MEN! SUPER BOOOOWL.” There were no passengers in the car.
I’m indifferent to the game, but I’m glad that guy’s out there nonetheless. Glad...
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“On my lunch break today I reminded myself that I work very close to the beach...”
– Andrew
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She accused him of not
being supportive enough of her choice to go to a music festival with her ex-fiancé and I turned my head quickly to read her face for any sign of facetiousness or acting and accidentally dragged the ketchupy end of a fry across my cheek.
Then the bathroom opened up and I left my seat and now I’ll never know if they get married or not.
“I seem like I’m capable of taking on the world because I am. There’s no point...”
– Tajreen
January 2012
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[There is a Green Peace volunteer outside a health food store as I am walking past.]
Him: Question: dolphin or orangutan? Which one do you save?
Me [smiling, still walking]: Neither.
Him [shouting to my back as I round a corner]: No! Both! The answer was "both"!
slightlyshy asked: But what if you die in a freak accident and we NEVER find out who the dildo belonged to?