February 2011
Literally every time I've gotten
hungry in the past week, I’ve had the thought, “I wonder if any Spanish-speaking person thinks it’s funny that ‘tengo hambre’ and ‘tengo hombre’ are so close together.”
And I know it’s not funny, but at this point it’s a mental roadblock that I need to detonate just so I can move on.
January 2011
I think I'll go to this. →
I think an important project
would be to print out all of the spam emails you get that start out with “HELLO MY LOVE” or “Dear Beloved” and glue them into some sort of diary — like, with pressed flowers and organic materials… maybe an occasional doodle or hilighted passage — and to just curate the entire thing like it were a real relationship unfolding.
It could start with the...
Phil Collins — Something Happened On the Way...
1 tag
“One of us pooped on the carpet today because we’re afraid to go out in the...”
– me, holding the cat
I just think astroqueef is a cool word.
wamiv-:
Feist — I Feel It All
Don’t let...
If you're ever wondering whether
this life is full of spontaneous acts of love and beauty, please know that my neighbor just handed me a dozen temporary cat tattoos because she saw them at the store and, “They made me think of the silly laugh you’d do when you saw them.”
Facebook won't let me say
that I know how to speak Wingdings.
I'm currently watching a friend's
cat-sized dog for her, and as it paces the room manically, sniffs the inexplicable piece of confetti on the carpet for the 8th time, and sits at my feet crying despite the fact that any subsequent physical contact will cause her to immediately sprint to the other side of the room and glare at me, I can’t help but wonder why the fuck anyone would want a cat-sized dog.
This is literally like...
“Break a leg. And when in doubt ask, “What would Kristin Cavellari do?”
– my friend has a med school interview today so I sent her an inspirational text message
Watchmorrrgan:
This is me as scary Beyonce
Immaculate. Human. Being.
1 tag
Where do deer sleep when there's a lot of snow on...
This. →
Remembered conversations [pt. 5]
Dude: I’ve been really into squirters lately. Me: Okay. Dude: You know, porn with women who squirt when they come. Me: Yeah I know what squirters are. Dude: I’ve been trying to gross you out for a while, but it’s not working. Me: Oh. I’m from the internet, you’re gonna have to do better than that.
1 tag
There's nothing more 7th grade
travel basketball in this world than crip walking on a hardwood floor in socked feet and sweatpants with a high ponytail on your head.
Keri Hilson — Pretty Girl Rock [remix feat....
Phone features I never believe are actually...
“mute”
I had to pee while I was on a conference call today, so I muted myself and brought the phone into the bathroom with me. Here’s the thing: my brain knows that mute works. I hit it accidentally with my face all the time, and no one can hear me when that happens, so believe me when I say I know my way around the mute button.
My brain also knows that no one probably heard...
Facebook status topics that clue me in to your...
the weather
ethnic food! yummy!
what you are watching on Netflix instant
how bored you are
anything that ends with “life is good!”
the day of the week
a countdown
what errands you plan on running
Katy Perry lyrics
1 tag
I have a pretty horrible cold
right now, which means that I snort a lot when I laugh, and I know for a fact that I’m going to miss it when it’s gone.
It’s how I’ve been able to measure a good laugh these past couple of days.
Did I snort? Did I snort hard?
Sometimes having a pet is the fucking
weirdest thing in the world.
Like, yes, there’s the cuddling and the tickles and the LOL LOOK WHAT I PUT ON YOUR BODY, but there’s also the awkward eye contact that makes you incredibly aware that you’ve basically paid money and made a years-long emotional commitment to bring another organism into your living space and keep you company.
Like, a flaccid meeting of the eyes in a...
I feel like I need to write a book
called “All My Friends Are Trolls” and hand it to people as an orientation guide after they friend me on facebook.
[inspo]
2 tags
Penny and the Quarters — You & Me
[via...
