Drink your juice.

“So instead of trying to ward the queens off, we should all be thanking them. Thank them for being the front lines of the gay pride parade. Thank them have for having the strength to endure. Thank them for having the courage to change people’s minds and not let them forget that there are gay people out there and we come in all shapes, colors, and sizes, all of them great. Thank them for teaching children the most valuable lesson: that you can’t go wrong being true to yourself. Yes, thank them for living.” In Praise of Queens

I think the reason Patti Stanger Being a moron struck such a chord with me today is because there are actual human children killing themselves to escape attitudes like hers. We’re in such a sensitive cultural moment right now, but since she’s old and retarded Bravo thinks it’s charming to sit her on a couch and let her wax histronic. Like, I get that she’s packaged her bigotry into fun witticisms that are going to help you land the Outlet Mall king of your dreams, but it’s also oppressive swill bullshit that’s shaping the way moms in Ohio are going to treat their gay kids. If you’re 45 and living in suburban America, your understanding of homosexuality may very well be limited to the reruns of Will & Grace you’re just now getting around to watching on Lifetime because you weren’t ready to watch them when they first aired on NBC. So because this inarticulate sack of semen is in a position to speak words that will be recorded on camera, she’s in a position to shape people’s frame of reference, and here we have her saying that gay men are naturally promiscuous and God Bless, just go on Grindr and call it a day. Monogamy’s for straights. This is the lens she is giving people to look through, and the lazy ones are going to accept it. This is the lens people are coming at marriage rights with.

I’ve only seen part of the episode, but what I have seen plays out like a sociological study. Like they’re volunteers sitting in a terrarium talking to each other so we’ll have material to react to in our final papers. But this isn’t for science, it’s for entertainment, which is worse somehow. There’s something Gladiator-like about “send the gay Jewish man in to interview the woman who will say he’s subhuman with a smile on her face.”

All I know is that if I had a child and gave that child baths and held that child when he cried and danced with him in sock feet on the kitchen floor to “Graceland” and took him to the bus stop on the first day of school until he wouldn’t let me anymore and someone treated him like this, I’d lose my shit. I’d just murder everyone. But that’s it. That’s the culture of gender and sexuality we’re all inhabiting and I’m exhausted by it when all I’ve got are some standard heterosexual ovaries.

Any school of thought that advises you to do anything but treat all people with a baseline decency and then adjust your opinion of them according to what they prove their character to be is just wrong. Quote me. Gut me. Enough already with people being stupid and evil. Just cut it out. Thank you for living.